You've got to get yourself together...
I've just started my first low-paying job. Not the kind of thing that I like or that interests me. It sucks! I absolutely want to resign but I don't have any new job offers but I'm looking for one. It's really sad when your colleagues get a far more better job (fun and with good pay) than you. To think I came from a prestigious university with an absolutely high tuition fee. I just sometimes sulk at home. Believe me, it definitely changed my mood at home- towards how I am with my family members. Sometimes I know that I don't have to think about it much since I'm still young and there are more things life can offer and there are far more things I can do and discover. But I just seem like in a hurry to be successful and achieve my goals in life. Maybe i'm just in my mid-life crisis. Everybody goes through with this so i guess I'm not alone. But I can do this! I believe I can fly. There's more to life. Everyday i do my best and work for my future. I've realized how hard it is to go into the real world, which makes me miss college soooooo much. Fun, study, friends, fun, fun, fun. But that's life, things change. Change is the only permanent thing in this world.
Change... I guess I'm just too darn afraid of it. I just can't accept the fact of why things have to change most especially if you're already happy and contented with what you have. But of course, as I said, there's always change because without change, there's no pint of living or growing into a better human being.
One ultimate change that will be coming my way is my beau leaving the country to study abroad for years. This is the one that I most dread. We have a few remaining months to cherish each other's company. Sometimes I just cry because I'm so afraid of how things would be. The BIG change in my life. Deep inside I want to stop him but I know that it's being so selfish because it's a great opportunity. It is where he will build his foundation in pursuing his career in the future. It's for the best. I know that with him leaving, there are so many what-if's. I don't really believe in long distance relationships and I never expected that it would happen to me. Why me!? How can we work out a long distance relationship for four years? Maybe this is for the best. I'll never know until I discover or learn something good out of this. I'm just so afraid of losing him cause I love him sooo much and i can't imagine myself loving someone else. I still have a few months to spend time with him so I'll cherish those and make each worthwhile.
Sometimes I just want to stop the time cause each passing day makes me more and more afraid because I dread that day that I would wake up and watch him go away. I don't wana be stuck so it's all up to me on how I will handle this. Everything has a reason. I trust in the plan of our creator and I believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason- a reason that is for my own benefit. I don't know what's in store for me in the future, but one thing's for sure... I want to spend it with my beau... He's my heart.